my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
