Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
