glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
