Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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