11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
