I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
