3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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