Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
