Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
don't judge my taste in strippers
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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