Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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