Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize