Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
why is half of my head shaved?
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