i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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