Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
