the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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