I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize