I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
