Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
