I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
