i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
