My friends, they love my intelligence
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Couch. On fire.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
