So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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