ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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