my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
