im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
