I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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