In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
