Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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