i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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