I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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