She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
