wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
