Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
no. you can't hotbox the world.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
