While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize