Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
