wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize