i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
His nipple licking is glorious
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