I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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