VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
