Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Life is so much better after having sex.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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