paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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