Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
