He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
