chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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