so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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