Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
