Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
