Pappa wants mamma naked
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
the day after is always just damage control
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You are a genius and a whore.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
