Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
