seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We talked him into tasing himself.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
