You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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