Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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