No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Randomize
