saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
