I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
