That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
