I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
