Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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