dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
