I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I love you. Go after that dick
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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