I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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