well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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