I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
