i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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