Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
