i was born a porn star she said
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
