I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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