My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
So squirting runs in the family.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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