I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
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