i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
