dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
