Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
