My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Randomize
