you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My balls are so social today.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
