Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
