Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
