My hair reeks of homosexuality.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
