Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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