You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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