i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
