Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i permit you to call me
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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