Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm passing your future prison.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize