U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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